


The Look Back

by Oceanbourne



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: F/M, that's it I think, there's barely any romance here but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 11:17:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11966256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oceanbourne/pseuds/Oceanbourne
Summary: She never expected to have this kind of discussion with Ephraim. Tana thought maybe she’d learn about the kinds of hobbies he had in Renais. The kinds of food he liked, the kinds of stories he enjoyed. Never the kind of world they wanted to see, or the people they wanted to become.





	The Look Back

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this set after Chapter 16, River of Regrets. I've been feeling a bit of Ephraim/Tana recently, and their supports come off as a bit of Tana having a very strong crush on Ephraim, something that he can't quite reciprocate. I aim to make this a bit more two-sided.

The spider that dropped in front of her face was enormous. It might have fit its body on one of the palace’s dinner plates, with hardly any room to spare.

The Tana that first flew out from Castle Frelia would have screamed, perhaps fallen off her pegasus. There would be a big fuss, and Innes or one of her retainers would have come speeding in before addressing the arachnid problem. She could imagine how they’d react afterwards - her retainers would gently tell her to try not to make such a fuss in fear of rousing the whole army. Innes would just berate her and say that she couldn’t be fit to join the battlefield if even a simple spider terrified her.

Since leaving home, Tana had faced trials much harsher than eccentric creatures. She’d endured battlefields and seen the remains of bodies that looked even more foreign than the face of a giant spider.

Tana lifted her spear and swiped across the air, cutting the spider from its thread attached to a tree branch. It fell onto the woodland path, where it scurried under some leaves.

The Tana that flew out from Castle Frelia was no longer here. She could feel it in every heft of her lance, in the steady beat of her heart as her pegasus took to the skies of a new battle. She wasn’t the greatest fighter, or the most experienced, and her brother took no reservations pointing out even her smallest errors, but Tana could feel it for herself. She had become a woman she could be proud of.

There were always pleasantries exchanged whenever Tana brought up the subject of her role in the fighting. Stiff but kind words, for no one in the army wanted to slight the princess of Frelia and tell her to her face that she would be a liability on the field. Tana might have been naive, but not blind. She could read it on people’s expressions, the way their foreheads creased and their noses crinkled each time she rode out with the army and promised to fight as hard as any of her soldiers.

One day Tana noticed that those gestures had stopped. No one gave her a second look when she announced she’d fly up towards the mountains of Rausten to scout the road ahead. Vanessa never tried to hide a frown whenever Tana insisted she ride with the pegasus knights and charge the bulk of the enemy lines. I’ve done it, she told herself. I’ve become strong.

Innes would take some time before he acknowledged it, but Eirika had smiled, even beamed at her, through her exhaustion once the battles were won. In Eirika’s eyes Tana could tell that her best friend also understood how strong she had become, and that they would stand strong and face all the world had to offer together.

Sir Gilliam had remarked to her one day that she looked very pleased with herself, and how could Tana disagree? Why wouldn’t she be proud with the magnitude of her accomplishments?

“We’ll stop here,” a voice announced. Tana looked up, and saw someone riding down the line, passing on instructions to some of the army’s officers before speaking up again. “We’ll water the horses, assess our situation, and move out again in an hour. Call it a lunch break.”

Prince Ephraim. Tana adjusted her posture in her saddle, squaring her shoulders. If he noticed her in the column, he gave no indication. She watched him, out of the corner of her eye, pretending to adjust some strings on her saddle.

His horse’s hooves trod on the damp soil as he rode by, and Tana waited a few moments before tugging at the reins of her pegasus and directing him off to the side of the road. Achaeus rode forward a short distance before taking off, rising into the tree-lined skies.

She had a good idea of where Ephraim was heading.

 

Ephraim used to be the first man riding for the perimeter and scouting the surroundings around the army. But as the events of the war continued, as the stories of others wove into their own, and as the fates of Magvel’s countries intertwined, it became more and more dangerous for people, especially princes, to go off alone.

Tana sometimes saw him sit upon a rock or log in empty forest clearings whenever she was coming back from patrolling the skies. He might be alone, or with Eirika, or with the manakete, Myrrh. But each time she saw him, he seemed to struggle with a heavy weight on his shoulders. It never bothered him once he returned to the main camp, but Tana could sense that it still draped over him like a heavy fog.

This time, she decided, she’d be the one to get a glimpse into his mind. This time she’d learn more about the man who always hid his true wishes behind a facade of fighting to the edge of an endless battle.

“Tana!” he called out, and she realized she had been sitting on Achaeus for quite some time after landing. She must have been staring. The heat crept up in her cheeks, despite the cool air of the forest, and she dismounted.

“I was thinking we might have lunch together! You know, if today’s a better time than the other day,” she suggested. From her saddle she brought out a knapsack, where she had stored sandwiches wrapped in a thin cloth.

“I see you hadn’t forgotten about the rain check I promised you,” Ephraim said. He was sitting against a gray rock, embedded into the hill. Tana noticed the steady trickle of water emptying into a pond beside him.

“Well, it would be a waste for this food to go to waste.” Tana approached, sitting on a rock opposite him. It wasn’t the flattest surface, but it would do. She pulled out a large tablecloth, spreading it onto a smooth stone between them, and put the sandwiches down. Ephraim raised his eyebrows, but made no move towards them.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Tana asked. She moved a hand towards the sandwiches, as if to take them back. Perhaps he was in one of those brooding moods again. She sighed. She always kept her hopes up, but in these times, hope was as expensive as a commodity as steel was.

“Famished,” Ephraim admitted. “Doesn’t make eating any easier.” He must have seen her frown, because he leaned forward and scooted closer.

“You ever hear your brother start a sentence and immediately know how he’s going to finish it?”

Tana rolled her eyes. “You have no idea-”

“I think I do. You and Innes may not be as close as you’d like, but you still know your family better than anyone else. That’s the thing with siblings. But others, people that aren’t your family, but those you consider your closest friends…”

Eirika appeared in Tana’s mind, but she knew the princess wasn’t Ephraim’s subject.

“The Grado prince. Lyon.”

“If there’s still anything left of him in that body.”

Tana turned towards the pond. It was clean, but difficult to see under the water. If she were to step into it, who knew how deep it would be?

She pursed her lips and turned back to Ephraim. “Neither Innes nor I spoke with him much, but I know he was kind, and he was your friend, and…”

“I thought I knew him, thought I knew exactly where we stood. After yesterday, I can’t tell if I was completely wrong, or just even more right.”

Tana leaned forward and placed her hand on the rock with the sandwiches. It was nowhere close to his hand, but she figured it’s a start. “We can’t give up hope on him yet. I’m with Eirika. If there’s a chance that a part of him is still there… we have to take it, and hold onto it.”

Ephraim looked at her, and where she usually saw cool, collected eyes, she saw a storm brewing in them. There were times she sensed her heart skip when he looked at her. Now she felt its weight clang against her like a church gong. 

The storm broke for a moment.

“You’re right, you know?” Ephraim let his shoulders drop, and his boots stamped onto the ground. “You and Eirika both - you’ve ridden with me, fought the same battles I have, and you’ve never lost that hope, have you? Some of the soldiers in the army didn’t think you’d stay so committed to your ideals.”

Tana’s eyes softened, and her mouth curled at the corner of her lip.

“They saw a naive princess, didn’t they?”

“I couldn’t blame them. I thought the same thing.” Tana frowned at him, and he sat up, clearing his throat. “Not in a negative way. Innocence is a virtue. It’s like… well, do you think it’s good if people are raised in peace for their whole life?”

Tana’s mind was completely off the sandwiches by then. “Peace is good, isn’t it? No war, no strife… Isn’t that what we fight for, as princes and princesses?”

“Do you think you would rather have stayed in the castle, and not learned anything from here, or seen the things we’ve seen?”

She scoffed. “Of course not. I can’t deny that suffering exists in the world. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, and it’s my duty to solve these problems. We can’t always have peace, but we can always work towards it.”

“And despite all these atrocities, all the horrors we’ve seen… you haven’t let go of the person you were before.”

His words made her response catch in her throat, and her eyes flickered away from his gaze to look at anything - the trees, the ground, the pond, the sandwiches between them. She never expected to have this kind of discussion with Ephraim. Tana thought maybe she’d learn about the kinds of hobbies he had in Renais. The kinds of food he liked, the kinds of stories he enjoyed. Never the kind of world they wanted to see, or the people they wanted to become.

“You noticed all that?”

Ephraim gave her a grim smile. “I can’t claim all the credit. But I talk with Eirika a fair bit.”

Tana breathed in. It was disconcerting to hear your character viewed through the eyes of someone else. Especially someone like Ephraim. But it didn’t bother her as much as it first felt. 

“I didn’t take you for someone that stopped to look back on the kinds of people you met.”

Ephraim knit his eyebrows together. “You think I’m some kind of insensitive jerk?” Then the lines on his face softened. “You might not be completely wrong on that account.”

“You were the type of person too busy making a name for yourself to worry about how others might affect you.”

Ephraim tensed. Tana expected he might correct her, tell her - show her why she was wrong. Instead, he lowered his head and stared at the pond. He reached for a pebble, tossing it in.

“Making a name for myself. It sounds like I have, haven’t I? Fame, glory? People spreading the tales of Prince Ephraim and whatever name the minstrels decide to give me. The Brave. The Strong. The Foolish is probably the best word for it.”

He turned back to Tana, and there was only the abating winds of an autumn day blowing through his eyes.

“I thought that if I became the strongest person in the world then the people I love wouldn’t have to worry about being in danger. A nice thought, right? How can my family be harmed, if I can defeat anyone that comes in my way? Well, Grado’s invasion taught me a lesson the hard way. I wasn’t there when the palace was attacked. I wasn’t there when my father and Eirika needed me the most.

“I was at my wit’s end when you showed up at Fort Rigwald. The princess of Frelia, captured by the enemy.”

Tana turned away, her eyes fixated on the grey stone. “You can count me as a fool too. I thought I could help. Instead, I almost…”

“It’s alright. The past is over and done,” Ephraim told her. “You know what happened. The rescue mission went off without a hitch. And I told myself, it was because I stayed cool and collected, that the plan worked. My men and I were better fighters than the Grado army, and we prevailed that day. I was the stronger one.

“I didn’t treat you like Tana, when we rescued you. You fought alongside us, and you proved your worth, but I only thought of ensuring you returned to Innes safely. As if you were his property.” It seemed every word that sat on his tongue left a bitter taste to it.

“Now I look back and think, what would Eirika have done if she was in my place? She would be so glad you were safe. You two are best friends. Protecting you would have meaning to her, a special kind. She loves you, and being able to protect that love makes it a love worth having.”

Tana couldn’t think of a way to reply. She just sat, her eyes wide, listening to Ephraim unravel his thoughts, his feelings, and… did she dare presume it? His heart?

“I look at Lyon and think that maybe I didn’t connect with him enough. We were friends, but does that mean I really cared for him? Understood him? If I did… maybe he wouldn’t have ended up this way.”

“You can’t pin the blame on yourself,” Tana protests. “Eirika cared for him. As far as I can tell, she was always understanding with him, kind and gentle.”

“And maybe he expected that of me. He deserved it! We were best friends, the three of us. I have always given my all for Eirika. But I can’t look into myself, reflect on it, and tell myself that I did the same for Lyon.”

Tana can feel her heart sink, lamenting for him. “Ephraim…”

“It’s not too late to change, is it? Even if I cannot save Lyon, at least I can make amends, so that I don’t have to watch myself make those same mistakes.”

“Then what… what are you going to do?”

“I’m a prince, and one day I will be king of Renais. A king still has to be at the head of his nation, and lead his people down a path they can be proud of.”

The words were powerful, even when whispered like Ephraim did. Tana knew it would be his duty, but it still felt surreal. It seemed just the other day that Ephraim had visited Castle Frelia for her birthday, and she had worn her favorite dress for him. Only for Innes to steal him away and engage in those endless competitions with him….

“Of course. A great ruler could do no less than that.”

“But,” Ephraim continued, an earnest twinkle in his eyes, “that doesn’t mean I have to ride past the people I’ve met and not learn about who they are, what they’re like, and what makes them special.”

Tana could only blink, but her heart was pounding with every word.

“You’ve always had a pure heart, Tana,” Ephraim said, reaching for the wrapped sandwich. “A heart that’s kept its purity, no matter how dirty and filthy war can be.” He brings his eyes back up to her. “It’s something to treasure, and to appreciate. And just like this lunch here, I think I owe you an effort to understand it. To understand you. What do you say?”

Tana found that the grin on her face was too difficult to force away, and her lips curled into a wide smile. She reached for a sandwich. “I think I’d like that.”

Ephraim takes a bite, chewing quickly. “Then we should get started.”


End file.
